01.03.02 Number
8
Deny Everything
Don Williams: 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350-2193 Ph: 661.297.3947 E-mail:
[email protected]
2001 A Gaming Odyssey
French A bre r OTB, French F Spa(sc) r OTB;
Turkish A ser r RUM
Austria
(Andy Lischett) Remove A
gre. Has As BOH, SER; Fs AEG, ALB.
England
(Mike Mazzer) Build EDI,
LPL. Has A BEL; Fs BRE, DEN, EDI, IRI,
LPL, NTH.
France (Woody Arnawoodian) Remove
A pic. Has F NAO.
Germany
(Jim O’Kelley) Remove A ruh, F
hol. Has As KIE, MUN; F BAL.
Italy
(Gary Coughlan) Build A VEN, F
NAP. Has As MAR, PAR, TYA, VEN; Fs MAO,
NAP, SPA(sc).
Russia
(Bob Olsen) Build A MOS. Has As BER, BUD, GAL, MOS, PRU, WAR; Fs SMY,
SWE.
Turkey
(Jim Burgess) Build A ANK. Has As ANK, RUM; Fs BUL(ec), CON.
Game Notes:
PRESS:
BBC LONDON: "In a moment, the Prime Minister will be giving his annual Christmas address to the nation ... ah yes, here he is, stepping to the podium now, smiling, waving to the adoring crowd ((canned crowd cheering noises)). He is adjusting the microphone, putting on his pince-nez ... and now, the PM.”
"Buon giorno, e Buon Natale a tutti ... er, excuse me one moment ((aside "Bloody 'ell, I told the Italian minister to write me bloody speach in the Kings Hinglish ... 'ere, I'll 'ave to wing it then.)) Greetings all of the Eurpean Community, and a very Merry Christmas to all of yuz. To our friends in Italy, thanks mate for the loverly Smoked Brest of Antelope – werry tasty indeed! To me ol' bloke, the Tsar, the Danish pastry made me old missus weep wiv delight, cheers mate! 'Ope you found Berlin to your liking. To our old chums in France – what’s left of yer that is – 'ope you last the winter all right. To our Heinie chums – 'ere
Andy Lischett 2402
Ridgeland Ave., Berwyn, IL 60402 NA
Mazzerman 1900
Kelton Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90025 [email protected]
Woody 602
Hemlock Circle, Lansdale, PA 19446 [email protected]
Chum 664
W. Irving Park Rd., I-6, Chicago, IL
60613 [email protected]
Grimme 6066
Belle Grove Cove N, Memphis, TN 38115 [email protected]
Ironfist 1010
Pecan Street, Brea, CA 92821 [email protected]
Boob 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 [email protected]
Austria Tri Vie
Ser Gre 4
England Edi Lon
Lpl Bel Bre
Den Nwy 7
France Por 1
Germany Kie Mun
Hol 3
Italy Nap Rom
Ven Mar Par
Spa Tun 7
Russia Mos Sev
Stp War Ber
Bud Smy Swe 8
Turkey Ank Con
Bul Rum 4
34
now, don't take it so 'ard. Them Russians hain't such a bad lot. To the new Harchduke – 'ope yer get yer e-mail up before yer out. To our WOG friends in Turkey – ‘let's do lunch’, as they say in LA. And to all the rest from Saugus to Constantinople – A Werry Merry Christmas – don't get too snoggered in the new year.”
FRANCE to ITALY & ENGLAND: Nice stabs. I think the best I've ever seen. Thanks for doing it before Christmas. I saved on the nice gifts I was planning to send you.
ENGLAND to
WOODY: Forgive me for taunting you, I actually wasn't – I was simply
asking a factual question, "Are you dead yet". Not knowing
whether Gary had delivered on his promise at the time, I genuinely didn't
know. But really, don't you wish you had sided with me when you had the
opportunity? You still would have been skewered in '03 most likely, but
you wouldn't have had to be bombarded with Coughlan's e-mails in the meantime.
And in your wildest, most drug-induced fantasies, why in Olsen's name would you
believe that I would have met you in a fair fight? You might have had a
chance to win! Duh!
ENGLAND to
GERMANY: That last bit goes for you as well. Why did I lie to
you? Because I was viciously stabbing you. I'm sorry, I haven't
played this game in over 15 years. Back
then, there was lying, cheating, cruelty, double-dealing, back-stabbing and
cold-blooded murder – all the things that make life worth while. I take
it it is a much kinder and gentler Diplomacy nowadays?
GM to
ENGLAND: I stand by my earlier
prediction that Chum is every bit the future old fart that you are now. I said it before, I’ll say it again, I’ve
seen the man drool! He could be a
contendah!
ENGLAND to GM: You miss the point. (If you part your hair differently you'll
see it.) Chum's drooling is self-induced by massive amounts of mint
juleps. The rest of us drool involuntarily. He had to go.
GM to DROOLING
OLD FART: Look, you really want proof? Ask him where he got the nickname
“Chum”. Then ask him who gave it to
him, and ask how long it took him to figure out what it really meant.
GM to
CHUMSTER: Hey, just defending your
right to be included in this august company.
ENGLAND to THE
NEW ARCHDUKE: I hope you received your instructions with your game
start. You are required to produce at least one song parody and/or one
poem (preferably a takeoff on Edgar Allan Poe) with each season's press.
GM to MAZZERMAN:
You are so bad. Look,
rather wallow in mockery and satire and poorly rendered semantics, why don’t
you give Andy something helpful, maybe bring him up to speed.l
ENGLAND to NEW ARCHDUKE: The story so far ...
Once upon a time, Don Williams, a firm advocate of the
slogan "Hire the handicapped, they're fun to watch", known sadist and
depraved urban planner – who invented such atrocities as the "No right
turn on red" sign carefully hidden behind a tree to increase town revenue
– got it upon himself to induce aging, mentally incompetent, drooling,
incontinent hobby old farts to come back into the hobby for one last fling to
celebrate the Third Millenium and the first game of same – while getting off on
watching us make fools of ourselves. He made one mistake, bringing in a
young, active and competent player, Chum O'Kelley – with tragic results.
Chum was ambushed by three (or was it four?) geriatric cases who clubbed him to
death with their colostomy bags and drowned him in their drool. It wasn't
a pretty sight. Woody, who was brain dead even when he was young, told me
that he was moving into the Channel -- and when I remembered that that was
right next to my home centers I moved there as well. Woody apparently
forgot what he told me and, much to Williams' glee, did not go there after all,
leaving me in the Channel. Having nothing better to do, I waged war with
France with the help of Italy until Italy forgot who he was fighting and ended
up supporting France. Finally, last
season, Gary remembered and attacked France while I stabbed Germany because ...
well I forget why but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Then your
predecessor got in a war with Turkey – I can't remember why – and that other
feller in Russia – well everyone forgot that he was there and he kind of snuck
into nine centers. So now I'm allied with ... uh ... consarn it, I had it
on the tip of my tongue and ... uh ... what was I saying?
SAUGUS to EUROPE:
And as they say, “Not with a bang, but a whimper … “ Andy, believe at your own peril. To the rest of you, I encourage you all to
send press and enjoy the spirit of the way Diplomacy was intended to be.
GM to ODYSSEY: And so our game’s namesake year is gone, replaced by 2002. It’s been a tumultuous and troubled start in some ways – an odyssey, in fact, that I hadn’t anticipated -- but it’s also been great to make the reacquaintance of Gary and Bob, Woody and Mike, and to maintain my Hobby friendships with Flash, Andy, Chum, and Boob. May the New Year find you happy, healthy, safe, and prosperous.
GAME
OPENING:
As I mentioned some
months ago, I am opening another game, Red Tape. It will be open to government workers only,
federal down to municipal. If you or
someone you know is interested, please let me know.
A
WET PET PEEVE:
As you know,
Southern California left to its own devices would, in fact, be a vast
desert. Great aqueducts traverse the
state north to south and transport vast quantities of water from the snowmelt
which comes from the western Sierra Nevadas.
Special public water districts have been formed over the years to deal
with the treatment and distribution of this “state water project” (as it is so
… dryly named) water. The local one
here is called the Castaic Lake Water Agency.
I get their meeting agendas (occupational hazard), which are often so
obtuse as to be meaningless … they appear to be written to confound the public
and cloud what is being done … or even what is being debated. This year, I collected all the agendas they
sent me. This public agency held 12
regular meetings in 2001, and held 30 more “special meetings” in the same
period. A quorum (six board members) is
required to hold a meeting, as is clerical staff and attorney. Members and staff are paid for each
meeting Forty-two meetings? This water company’s business smells more like
sewage treatment.
DIPLN MATIC IMPUNITY SCOREBOARD -- Holiday
Edition
New Year 5 Hope yours was merry and bright.
2001 34 We’ve
had better …
2002 5 DIS
is hoping …
Steelers 5 Who’d
a thunk it?
Bears 5 Who’d
a believed it?
America 5 United
We Stand
Old Farts 5 Old
maybe, but they sure remember how to sling a blade
Negativity 6 DIS is feeling too full of the season. Hope you are, too!
Diplomacy is the copyrighted product of Hasbro, and all reproductions or other uses of the product in this publication are intended solely for personal entertainment and are not intended to infringe on those rights in any way. All costs of this publication are borne by the editor and others at a financial loss and are without profit or other commercial intent, except to promote the play and enjoyment of the game. Diplomacy can be purchased from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors. I own three copies of the game and will certainly buy more – you can’t have too many.
Deny Everything is produced by Don Williams and the players of 2001-A
Gaming Odyssey. DE#7 is DipNation publication #119